


what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom

by circumstashton



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cake, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm doing a soulmate fic next, M/M, No Smut, Oh, Pizza, Sad Luke, Self-Harm, Waitress - Freeform, and ash, bye, especially cake, everyone else is gay tho, i should do a smut one shot lmao, idk - Freeform, lashton or cake, may be triggering, oblivious kind of calum, ok, or mashton or malum, or muke or cashton, slight mashton, tagging is so hard wtf, tbh i think michael is straight, well only time will tell, who doesn't love cake, woop, yay, ye, yeah - Freeform, you'll see how bad my smut is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2014-12-10
Packaged: 2018-02-28 22:39:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2749736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circumstashton/pseuds/circumstashton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>in which luke isn't as happy as he appears </p><p>calum is seemingly oblivious</p><p>or</p><p>smiling is luke's make up</p><p>calum wipes it off</p>
            </blockquote>





	what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom

**Author's Note:**

> woot woot yay
> 
> read this amazing one shot by me1!!1!!1!111
> 
> yeah ok 
> 
> if you like lashton go on my profile and read those fics.
> 
> this is crappy??? 
> 
> idk just read it.
> 
> and comment. i love comments 
> 
> lots of comments to make me happy :-)
> 
> (not edited and lower case intended)

luke looks at calum as he answers the question from the interviewer, ok, maybe luke was just slightly, just slightly apprehensive to what calum would say. luke sucks in a breath as—

“i think i’d date, uh,” calum looks around at his bandmates, “uh, ashton.”

ashton giggles, “why?” 

“because you have the cutest laugh and dimples.” calum smiles and luke feels his heart breaking slightly. He tries his hardest not to react and luke succeeds as he laughs with michael.

“what about you luke?” the interviewer says, with a smile etched on her face.

luke sighs and wonders what he should say, “i would date, um,” fuck it, “calum, because he has the squishiest face.” 

luke immediately regrets saying that and avoids making eye contact with calum.

“you flatter me.” calum puts his hand on his heart, dramatically sighing and luke giggles, no laughs, because luke is a manly man.

even if he likes penguins.

and calum.

luke stays quiet for the rest of the interview, thinking, overthinking everything calum has said to him, done to him, heck, even when calum looked at luke, calculating whether calum likes luke back or not.

“luke?” his bandmates peer at him.

“what?” luke snaps out of his reverie.

“answer the question!” calum says, “we’ve been waiting for a long time now.”

“oh yeah sorry.” luke blushes at calum, “sorry what was the question again?” 

“@cakehxxdings says: what’s you favourite ship between you guys? (say cake please).” the interviewer laughs, “she seems to ship you and calum together.” 

luke blushes and laughs awkwardly, “yeah, lol, wait did i just say lol? oops sorry um, yeah—”

“ladies and gentleman, the famous lead singer of 5 seconds of summer!” ashton interrupts, and the audience laughs along with michael and calum.

“haha, yeah, uh, i like um, cake?” luke says, and mentally curses, “no, i like uh, is it, mashton? yeah i like mashton.” 

michael and ashton start pretending to serenade each other with michael singing don’t lean on me by the amity affliction, and ashton trying to sing american idiot by green day. michael widens his eyes as he realises what song ashton is serenading him with.

“are you calling me and american idiot?” michael gasps, looking offended.

“we’re not even american, idiot.” calum smacks the back of michael’s head.

luke laughs and spends this time glancing (staring) at calum, then he realises that he is being filmed, so he quickly turns away from calum.

“from @hxmmo1996,” and luke smiles at the username, “what’s your favourite song by all time low?”

“um, i like hello, brooklyn.” ashton says, and he laughs, “damn straight there’s a party at the end of the world.”

“my favourite is therapy.” calum smiles, “because it’s like really good.”

“wow cal, ‘really good’.” michael laughs at cal’s inability at justifying his opinions.

“i like a love like war.” luke pipes up, because the room had fallen into silence, “because it reminds me of someon—”

and luke trips. how did he trip for god’s sake? he was sitting on a chair.

“shit sorry.” luke quickly clambers up, trying not to look at his bandmates (cal). 

the buzzer sounds, and the interviewer says, “that’s all we have time for now, let’s give it up for 5sos!” 

they leave with a screaming crowd behind them.

luke is walking, when he feels a two arms wrap around him and luke tries to look back, but ends up tripping over a box, so he and cal falls. 

luke cringes. 

ouch.

“i’m so sorry luke!” cal starts apologising, “i didn't know you were going to trip, oh my god, i’m sorry, are you ok?” 

“yeah i’m fine, are you ok?” luke says.

“yeah i’m fine.” calum laughs, “god, we’re so clumsy!”

“haha, yeah.” luke joins in awkwardly.

the silence dawdles.

“do you want to get pizza?” calum asks and luke looks up, is he—

“hey ashton do you want to get pizza with luke and me?” calum turns around and luke internally beats himself up. luke really should not let himself become too hopeful.

“no, sorry, mikey and i need to do some, er, stuff, yeah.” luke perks up, thinking that he gets too spend some alone time with cal.

“ok sure, lukey and i’ll get some pizza for you too yeah?” calum nods and links arms with luke, obviously unaware that luke is internally screaming. 

luke is dying.

help.

“so, lukey, what pizza place do you want to go to?” calum asks, whilst luke is in the middle of a feels attack. cake is luke’s otp.

“uh, pizza… express?” luke stutters, “wait, no, pizza hut.”

“ok pizza hut it is.” calum drags luke along the high street.

luke is wearing as much clothing as possible, with sunglasses and a hat, because although they loved their fans, getting mobbed on a regular basis got quite annoying after a few days.

calum stops abruptly.

“luke wh-what are you doing?” luke had unconsciously started rubbing calum with his thumb.

luke quickly dropped his hand, “oh, haha, nothing.”

“sorry.” luke looks down.

“i-it’s fine.” calum says before turning into pizza hut.

“table for two? correct?” the waitress smiles, and luke stutters out a denial. 

“actually, yes.” calum cuts across. 

“right this way, boys.” the waitress takes two menus, “follow me.”

“c’mon lukey.” calum takes luke’s hand.

luke is having a lot of cake feels right now.

she leads cal and luke into a little table tucked away at the back.

“holler if you need anything ok?” the waitress tells them, and it seems as if she wants to say more, but thinks the better of it.

luke opens his menu, “what are you get—”

he looks up to see calum staring at him, and luke can’t help but stare back.

“the sexual tension is killing me ugh, go fuck already.” the waitress suddenly appears, fanning her face.

“we’re not dating.” luke quickly spits out.

“yeah, we’re uh, just getting pizza.” calum gestures to the table.

“hm, ok, do you want to order?” the waitress still looks unconvinced.

“yeah can we have four large meat feasts.” calum says, “and two cokes.”

luke nods his agreement.

the waitress, emily, writes the order down and goes off.

“lucas, she thought we were dating!” calum whispers to luke.

“yeah.” luke answers.

“yeah.” calum says back.

so they sit there in silence, which is uncomfortable, since luke can’t bring himself to look at calum.

“luke?” calum says and luke looks at calum.

“yeah?” luke says back.

“are you ok?” calum asks.

“yeah.” luke winces at his answer, he really needs to learn how to carry a conversation.

“hm, right.” calum says back.

“here are your pizzas,” the waitress comes, “and please do fuck.” 

luke looks down at the table and he hears calum stuttering.

“we’re not together, i’m not gay.” luke says nodding.

“nor am i.” calum quickly joins in and luke can hear his heart tearing as calum just unconsciously destroys any hope luke has, and as much as luke would like to hold it, he feels one tear gathering in his eye.

“right well, i don’t believe that at all.” emily looks at luke pointedly.

luke has lost count of how many times he’s avoided the gaze of emily and calum.

“luke are you ok?” calum asks, and luke really does not want to answer, of course he’s not ok.

“yeah i’m fine, i’m just really hungry.” luke avoids calum’s eyes and picks up a slice.

“are you… against gays?” calum questions, almost hesitantly.

“what? n-no of course not. i love gays! i mean not like that,” yes exactly like that, “no no i’m not uh, g-gay, i really support them though.”

“ah.” calum picks up a piece of pizza and sips some coke.

“what about you?” luke says, in an effort to keep up the conversation.

calum takes a deep breath, “i’m actually bisexual.” 

luke nearly spits out his pizza and has to take a few sips of coke before spluttering to calum, “you’re bisexual?” 

“yeah.” calum looks so calm, “why, is there anything wrong?” 

“no, no, no of course not.” luke says, quickly and to be honest, luke feels even worse, because he can’t use the excuse calum is straight to why calum would never date luke.

luke looks up and calum immediately looks away.

“how did you uh, know?” luke asks, genuinely curious.

“i fell in love with a boy.” calum says and with a shrug, “but he’s straight.”

“how do you know?” 

“because i asked him out and he said no.” calum blinks.

luke mentally slaps himself for having an ounce of hope it could be him.

“but it’s fine.” calum shrugs.

“who was it?” luke looks puzzled, he doesn’t remember calum loving anyone.

“uh, the, uh l-liam.” calum avoids looking at luke.

“liam?” luke says sceptically.

“yeah, he had uh, bl—brown hair and green eyes, and was really short, and wore like baggy jeans.” calum rushes out.

luke is half way tempted to go buy some baggy jeans right there on the spot but then realises that might make his crush on calum more obvious.

“oh, cool.” luke nods.

they finish the pizza in silence.

“willyougooutwithme?” rushes luke.

“what?” calum looks up from his pizza.

“i said, will you go ou— to the toilet with me?” luke loses his nerve.

“why, so you can give me a blow job?” calum winks but stands up.

“gosh, calum hood, he said ‘will you go out with me?’ dimwit.” emily suddenly pops out.

“pfft, what? i did not say that.” luke turns to emily, glaring at her.

“yeah you did.” emily insist.

“right. ok.” calum looks at luke.

“she’s crazy. has no idea what she’s talking about.” luke says.

“yeah ignore me.” emily realises how luke feels.

 

“luke are you going to the toilet or not?” calum shakes his leg.

“yeah coming right away.” luke stands up.

they head off to the toilet.

“lord help me.” calum mutters and luke turns to him in confusion.

“why?” luke asks.

“why what?” calum replies.

“why did you just say lord help me?” luke elaborates.

“no reason.” calum pushes open the toilet door.

calum zips down his pants and luke quickly turns around.

“luke are you gay?” calum asks and luke debates whether to tell the truth or not.

“y—no.” luke stutters.

“interesting.” calum zips up his pants and washes his hands.

“yeah.” luke nods his head awkwardly.

calum stares at luke, “aren’t you going to go?” 

“oh yeah.” luke quickly walks to the cubicle.

“i think i like ashton.” luke looks up at calum. shit. calum kept playing with luke’s feelings. luke hears a sharp breath. 

“ok, should i like, ask him whether he’s gay or—” luke trails off when he sees calum’s face, “maybe not?” 

“no, no ashton was wrong.” calum mutters and luke looks quizzically at cal.

“luke, please just tell me. are you gay?” calum looks almost desperate and luke feels as if he should say the truth but he wants to keep his crush on calum as inconspicuous as possible.

“no i’m completely straight.” luke states, and luke really is amazing at hiding his feelings.

calum doesn’t say anything, but cocks his head and studies luke.

“you’re really amazing at lying.” calum says.

luke walks out of the bathroom.

luke is amazing at lying. 

he lies to everybody. 

he even lies to himself.

luke isn’t fine at all.

luke, the lead singer of 5 seconds of summer, was not okay, and as much as he wanted to be, luke really was not fine at all.

he walks straight out of pizza hut and straight onto the bus.

luke hates thinking.

it torments him; it rips him apart.

luke is amazing at not crying, but all he really wanted to do was to scream and scream and scream.

he wants to curse the earth, the sea, the sky.

luke is a good listener though.

he listens to the devils.

he listens to the feedback.

but most of all, he listened to everything calum said.

to the things that broke his heart, and to the things that mended calum’s.

luke like to smile. 

he likes to make people happy.

but really, he smiling is his make up.

it covers him up.

luke, really wasn’t okay, he wasn’t ok at all.

the bus arrives at his stop, so luke clambers off, smiling at everyone who passes, making people happy.

luke knows what it’s like being sad.

he doesn’t want anyone else to feel this way.

luke thinks about thinking like this.

luke thinks he mights be weak, because really, who got depressed over a stupid, meaningless crush.

“i’m ok.” luke says as he reaches the door, “i’m absolutely fine, and every one must be happy.” 

so luke unlocks the door. 

“lukey? where’s calum? where’s the pizza?” michael pops up from the sofa. 

“i have no clue but i think we got into a bit of a fight, and the pizza’s with cal.” luke smiles and walks upstairs, and enters his room.

in his room, luke has no reason to smile, but someone has to keep the walls happy.

no one has to keep the toilet happy though.

luke walks into the bathroom.

he washes his face and breathes.

in… 

out…

and then luke crumples on the floor, silently sobbing.

“luke? are you in there?” ashton’s voice floats across the door.

“yeah, sorry just taking a piss.” luke shouts, “i’m coming!” 

“sure, mate, we’re just going to put on spider man.” ashton replies.

“with andrew garfield?” 

“who else?” ashton chuckles and walks away.

luke adjusts his smile and unlocks the door, happily.

he likes spiderman.

he didn’t have a breakdown.

he didn’t sob in the bathroom.

after all, what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

“where’s the popcorn?” luke asks as he runs down the stairs.

“ashton’s gone to get it.” michael is flopped down on the sofa. luke joins him.

“cool.” luke mentally reprimands himself for not being able to hold a conversation, “hey michael i just need to go get something upstairs, mind if i leave you here with asht—ashy.” 

luke really can’t keep up the facade. 

he just needs slightly longer in the bathroom.

when he enters the bathroom, he lies down on the floor, not caring about the germs, and smiling.

he then goes to the sink and washes his face. 

he takes a deep breath. 

in…

out…

luke doesn’t sob this time, but he calmly reaches for the sharpener he keeps and quickly takes out the blade.

no one suspects that luke uses the blade from a sharpener.

luke really is clever.

luke’s thighs itch a lot.

luke’s wrists itch a lot.

he thinks they’re too… clean.

luke cocks his head and examines his scars. 

they’re not pieces of art.

but luke thinks they’re beautiful.

not as beautiful as calum though.

luke teases his aching skin.

he scratches the blade lightly against his thigh.

he only uses his wrist when his thighs haven’t healed yet.

luke grits his teeth and scratches the surface of the blade against his thighs again.

again and again and again.

luke’s eyes water as he puts down the blade.

why is luke even cutting? 

the scars are too obvious.

what’s less obvious? luke thinks.

he doesn't think of a solution so he picks his blade up again.

this time he does make a mark.

luke doesn’t count how many he does, because to luke cutting was his salvation.

pain is a reward.

not a punishment.

luke deserves this pain.

luke doesn’t deserve calum.

luke swipes the blade again and again and again, until his vision is red, red, red and all he can focus on is the pain.

luke quickly wipes the tears from his face and stands up with a smile. 

he washes off the blood, sweeps up the floor and smiles in the mirror.

what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

“lukey?” calum enters the bedroom just as luke is folding his clothes.

“yeah?” luke hums.

“sorry about pizza hut.” 

“it’s fine.” 

“good.” 

luke smiles at calum.

“hug?” luke says.

calum crushes luke, and luke smiles genuinely. 

“now let’s go down and watch spiderman.” calum pulls luke’s hand.

~

they’ve finished watching spiderman, and gwen dies. 

very sad and luke cried.

but not really.

calum and luke are in bed.

“hey luke,” calum turns over, “i just wanted to tell you that—”

and calum sighs.

“i listen hard.” 

luke thinks about what calum says.

luke’s thoughts are almost invisible.

they only appear in the bathroom.

but they are really loud in the bathroom.

luke really loves calum.

he doesn’t want to say that at all.

but if calum is listening.

luke should shout it.

but luke doesn’t have the courage.

he’s weak.

“luke can i join you on you bed?” calum asks.

“sure.” 

calum clambers into the single bed with slight difficulty, and luke falls asleep with calum pressed against his back.

“luke i’m taking away your sharpeners.” calum mumbles into the crook of luke’s neck.

luke freezes.

“why?” luke cannot think of anything else to say.

calum’s fingers dance on the edge of luke’s thighs.

“because i care about you.” 

luke smiles, because he isn’t in the bathroom.

“ok.”

it occurs to luke that he is mad.

~

luke wakes up to butterfly kisses down his back.

“calum what are you doing?” luke rubs his eyes sleepily.

“luke, what happens in the bathroom, does not stay in the bathroom.” 

luke freezes.

“your thoughts are loud.” calum continues, “and you’re beautiful. you make me feel like i own galaxies, that i own the whole universe. luke i am, irrevocably, in love with you, and— i just realised that i’m a cheesy little shit.”

luke blinks at calum.

“but you tell me you’re straight.” calum stands up, “i’m not good at hiding my feelings, nor am i good at lying. so this is me telling you my truth, and i pray that you tell me yours.”

luke breaks down then and there.

“shit.” he hears calum mutter, “luke, luke!”

“you won’t love me, you don’t love me.” luke rocks back and forth, “you don’t love my thighs, you don’t love me at all. you love ashton, you said.”

“luke, that was to make you jealous.” calum sighs and wraps his arms around luke.

“i hate you. i hate you so so much. you made me cry.” luke wails, tears running down his face, “you wiped off my make up, my smile. i’m not pretty without make up.”

“luke, whether you’re smiling or you’re crying, i don’t care,” calum gently lifts luke’s chin, “i’m sorry i made you feel this way.”

“i love you so much.” luke whispers, “but i don’t want to.”

“why?” calum hugs luke tighter.

“because then you won’t after you see me without a smile and you won’t love me.” luke says, “and then you’ll break my heart. and then i have to put my smile back on and pretend that nothing hurts me.”

calum softly kisses luke on the lips, and it’s a flurry of tears and laughter.

“i won’t ever leave you.” calum murmurs, drawing circles on luke’s back.

“promise?” luke feels like a small child.

“when have i ever broken my promises?” calum chuckles.

luke’s facade is down, but he feels on top of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> comment and kudos if you like it idk :-0
> 
> you: :)
> 
> me: B-)


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